Trapeze and self-expectations

Three years, when I was taking trapeze for the first time, I was in somewhat better shape than I am now, but it was nevertheless hard.  I remember that the way it kind of worked was that I would learn a new trick, and on the first day of learning it, things would go pretty well.  I would do some semblance of it, make several catches, and feel pretty good.  The second time, though, the teachers would point out improvements I could make, at which point I would be completely unable to do the trick at all -- thinking about the 7 things that could be better left me unable to execute even one.  Then, after a lesson of this, my brain would integrate it all somehow, and I'd be able to to finally pull off the trick again, with somewhat better technique.  Rinse, repeat, and this is how in 10 weeks of trapeze, I learned how to approximate, in safety lines, about 2.5 tricks.  I'm a slow learner. :)

This time around, I started with a trick I "learned" last time (I put that in quotes because, as I said above, I only ever really approximated anything).  On one hand, this was a good thing -- I know I can do this because I've done it in the past, it's a fun trick, and it doesn't feel like totally starting from scratch.  On the other hand, because I remember being better at this particular trick before than I am now (and I have evidence of this on YouTube, as most of you know), there's a part of me that's thinking, "wait, how come I keep failing now?"  Today was especially bad -- last week was my first time back, so I a) had an excuse and b) did a little better because the teachers were focusing on helping me do the trick in any way possible and not on technique.  Today, I got more technique feedback, with the predictable side effect of having me lose it entirely. Ugh.  I knew this would happen, but it was still a little demoralizing. I did manage one catch, on my very last try, so I left on a good note.  It did get me thinking about expectations, though.

I know that I do this entirely to myself.  I was so anxious before I left for class this morning, butterflies in the stomach and all!  I was thinking about how I'd probably do poorly (and I did), how other people would think I was slow or not doing well (as far as I know, they didn't), and how the teachers would be disappointed because they try so hard to help and I just can't get better (as far as I know, they weren't).  When I got to class and started flying, I settled down a bit, but the drive there was sort of anxiously miserable.  On the other hand, having the experience of doing poorly was probably good -- I got to see that even though I didn't do as well as I'd hoped, the consequences were pretty minor, and that other than me, no one else had any real expectations of how I should've been doing.  The teachers are great at working with students where they are, now I just need to work with myself where I am.

So now, I'm left with the task of figuring out how not to beat up on myself.  Partially, this will be helped by getting generally more fit.  However, I think I need to actively make some cognitive changes.  I'm sure other people have this experience, where they're their own worst critics about a hobby or something else that's supposed to be fun but that they want to do better at.  How do you all deal with it?  I've learned (to some extent) to manage this with school stuff, but I feel much more competent when it comes to that than when it comes to trapeze!